USAIR TALES 9.5- Everyting Irie in Jamaica man...

So far the week has been going well... I got some beach time, saw my relatives, and even had time to catch a reggae concert at Sandals, where I had been staying... but something felt missing from this little vacation of mine... flying. I contacted my old buddy Dean in Mo'bay and asked him if he still had that Cessna of his. Dean had been making a good living ferrying tourists around the island between Montego Bay and Kingston and I had not been in a Cessna since my last downtime... which seemed like ages ago. So Wednesday morning, I headed from Negril to Sangster Int'l in Mo'bay to accompany my old friend on a cross country photo op flight.



I was in for a rare treat, Dean had just gotten in a Cessna 172, complete with the new Garmin G1000 cockpit! Very similar to the one I flew part time back in PA, I was pretty used to how the new system worked... I asked and was allowed to left seat us on our flight plan to Kingston by way of the north coast and over the Blue Mountains. I could not help but think, something was missing still... I hate it when I am right...

"Drew! There you are! I hoped I'd catch you before y'all left."

Tiffany... why am I not surprised. Hop in...

"Sweet. I almost did not make it, the hotel dude said he didn't know where you went, but I got him to talk... then the taxi guy confessed that he was paid to NOT take me to the airport... but I'm gonna let that all slide this time, Drew... "

She let out an accusing glare at me... well it seemed like a good plan at the time.



Dean seemed ok with Tiffany being onboard, since I explained to him she is my lead flight attendant, so the three of us left the hangar and headed out to the runway.

"So where we goin today Drew?" Tiffany asked.

Kingston, and then back... should be a decent little trip.

"Yah man", Dean interrupted, "Should make a sweet little ride all de way in to Kingston, den you can rest for a little and we can go back to Mo'bay. Me have a little thing to do in Kingston, only bout a hour though."

Sounds good... we called for clearance.



Luckily Sangster was not too busy this morning... not much was on the ground, and even less leaving and arriving till the afternoon. In fact, I think the rest of the crew should be here by the time we get back, in prep for our flight back Friday. I know Barney is a little jealous that I got to stay here almost a week now, while he was back home on his time off. Oh well, he'll live... he's already still giving me hell for not taking him with me on my 757 flight down... and come to think of it, I could probably have used his help on that flight...



"Allright Anju" (Dean's Jamaican accent was always very thick... rather than call me Drew he generally referred to me by my legal name, albeit with a patois inflection to it.) "You sure say you ready for dis? Me can always fly halfway and make you take over near Ocho Rios?"

Nah Dean, it will be fine, I fly one of these at home... I should be able to handle it.

I glanced back at Tiffany, applying her lipstick, shook my head, gave a thumbs up to Dean, then released the brakes...



YEEEEEEEHOOOOOO!

I gotta tell you, even though I make a living flying Airbuses all over creation, I gotta level with you kind reader, there is no greater thrill than flying in a little dinky Cessna, slipping away from the bonds of Earth into the ether... poetic I know... but man, this was truly the shot in the arm my vacation needed. Let's face it... I was born to fly! haha

Dean grinned at me, then called Sangster Departure for our vectors over Montego Bay, and onward to the east.

Tiffany on the other hand was emptying the contents of her purse on the back seat in a vain attempt at finding her mascara... I did not even know what all she had in that bag... as soon as I saw the little bags of what I assumed to be tea, I figured I better not even worry about her.



Folks, Montego Bay is really a beautiful city... as soon as we maneuvered far enough away from the JBC (Jamaica Broadcasting Company) tower, I had to admit I was still pretty awed at this, the second largest city on the island.

Yet another advantage to being in a Cessna... the ability to be relatively up close and personal with the surroundings... as opposed to being at FL350 looking at ants and lego blocks.

I think I even saw some school kids waving at me from the dirt road leading to their public school.



Dean pointed out to me a sight I had not seen in ages... the cockpit country. Not far east of Mo'bay in the countryside is a strange geographical anomaly... a few square miles of country that is peppered with peaks and valleys, making it look kinda like egg crates... only green. If we had had more time I would have brought us down closer to sightsee, but I knew we were on a tight schedule for Dean's sake, and I did not want to impose upon that... Not to mention Tiffany probably would have had a fit as she was in the process of putting on her mascara. She already chided me for the light chop we felt just outside of Mo'bay.

I swear she was put on this Earth to torture me... must have been something I did in a former life...



Ocho Rios off in the distance, aka hotel central and cruise liners galore. I remember as a kid my parents used to take us there where we mingled with tourists from many other countries, just having a good time. I got to meet some interesting kids that way... and learned that tourists are really dumb. Now here it is decades later, and I am the bright eyed tourist, flying over and gawking at how much the country has changed and how beautiful it still looked.

"Hey Anju, when you goin to pack up and move back to Yard? Tings goin good in Jamaica you know, since you fly so good you could easily make some good money piloting"

You know I thought about it Dean, but I don't think I am ready to come back here until maybe retirement age. I still got a lot of stuff going on in the US, not to mention my commitments to US Air, and my family...

"And ME!" Tiffany added...

Umm what commitments do I have to you Tiff?

"You are my constant source of amusement, I need you to make me laugh, hahaha."

Even Dean got a chuckle out of that one... I however was not so amused.



As we passed Ocho Rios, there was a tap on my shoulder... of course I knew it was Tiff... Now what.

"Drew... I really need to use the ladies' room."

WHAT? We're over the Caribbean Sea, 3000 feet up, and NOW you need to use the bathroom? Why didn't you go back in Sangster?

"I didn't have to GO then! But I gotta go now!"

Dean by this time was chuckling... "Me think say me have a bottle in de back she can use... haha"

"Look here Jamaica man, there is NO WAY IN HELL I am pissing in a bottle! Drew, I need to land NOW!"

Luckily for us Boscobel Airstrip near Ocho Rios was within reach, but this was my perfect opportunity to have a little fun at Tiff's expense.



I gently brought us down as Dean parlayed with Boscobel's tower... staffed by one, very disinterested controller. Meanwhile in the back seat, Tiffany was getting a little more impatient.

"DREEEEEEW!"

I was finding it hard to stifle my laughter... I'm coming down as fast as I can Tiff... I did not expect this haze to be so thick... Just hold your shorts.

"If you don't hurry up and land I'm gonna bop you!"

Maybe she will think twice before she invites herself on one of my jaunts, haha.

I could not help the sidewards glances at Miss Tiff crossing and uncrossing her legs, and the poor, pained look on her face as she bit her lower lip, WILLING the urine to stay in there.



"HURRY UP, or I am gonna burst here!"

I lined up for final, and Dean, in between chuckles, cleared us in. I figured we could spare about 10 minutes till we needed to be off again for Kingston to make Dean's appointment... so I hoped Tiff did not have any more than a gallon stored up in there...



Hey Dean, you know if they have any snack machines in the terminal?

"Nah man, been a while since me come to Boscobel. We lucky them let us land at all... and real lucky say we don't need gas!"

Yeah it had dawned on me that Boscobel seemed a little deserted these days, come to think of it, not a single aircraft on the ramp. Is that normal?

"Come now Anju, you know say you have to be rich to afford airplane. How much people you think have them down here? Not like America where George Bush give out airplane to everybody who pay taxes."

HAHAHAHAH... If you only knew Dean... if you only knew.

"STOP TALKING AND LAND!!! JEEEEEZ!"



Ok Ok we're down already...

Dean looked like he was about ready to lose it in laughter, and Tiffany by now was glued to in between the two front seats, jabbing me in the ribs as if it would get me to the ramp sooner.



you know, I have NEVER seen a woman move so fast as when I pulled up at the nearest parking area, and opened the door. Within seconds she has slipped past my seat, and had hightailed it for the terminal. She was not too pleased when she got there and had to wait for the controller to come downstairs and open the door to the bathroom. For a second as she surveyed the landing area I was pretty convinced she was going to head for the nearest shrubbery... but I lost 5 bucks to Dean... who figured she would actually make it inside to the bathroom.

We finally stopped laughing when she came out with a MOST relieved look on her face.

I quickly scanned the rest of our flight plan, and conferred with Dean as to the best way to navigate over the Blue Mountains.

"Ok now I'm hungry. Did you bring lunch?" Tiffany questioned.

Umm Tiff... we're going to Kingston, we have time for lunch when we get there.

"You suck! If I was flying this plane I would at least have brought us all lunch!"

Yeah well that is why YOU are the flight attendant, and I am the pilot.

Dean almost bowled over with laughter as he called up Boscobel's tower for our clearance to takeoff.



I wondered if the lone Boscobel controller could see Tiff's pout from his auspicious seat... not to mention the daggers that were probably shooting through the back of my head right now.

I did not ask her to come along, so oh well. One thing i like is to plan something and have it go my way... I am not too fond of surprises. After all, she could have stayed at the hotel.

"Ok, if you want me can take control over Blue Mountain... or you want do it yourself?" Dean asked.

Well I have flown over mountains before... the Blue Ridge, the Alleghenies, the Rockies... I think I can handle the Blue Mountains.

"Alright, your plane boss, haha. Make sure you stick to the flight plan though man, I tell you say this can get rough real quick"

Tiffany must have heard him as she popped her head up between us.

"Rough?"



"Yah man, rough... when de wind come blow up de side of the mountain, it make de ride little bumpy... better you go fasten you seatbelt now before we pass Ken Jones airstrip."

"Drew... make sure you fly us straight please... I don't want any bumps back here."

Sure thing Tiff... anything for you. I flashed a grin to Dean...



Well the clouds were a good warning... one thing I have learned about tropical meteorology... where there are tall jutting tracts of land, there is usually moist air somewhere around that like to hang out in crowded fashion... in other words... clouds.

Sure enough as soon as we passed through, there it was... the Blue Mountains... home of some of the best Jamaican grown coffee, and altitudes so high most Jamaicans have problems breathing up there.... ok well it's not THAT high... but high enough for flatland tropical types to catch their breath anyway!

I remember as a kid one year it actually even snowed there... ruined a whole coffee crop. Only time Jamaica can ever claim to have seen snow.



"Last chance Anju... after we pass Ken Jones is nothing but pure turbulence... you sure you want to do it?"

I laughed a little... perhaps Dean knew something I did not, but I mean come on, I am in a G1000 Cessna... I fly an A319 daily, I think I can handle this.

I glanced back to Tiffany... suddenly she did not look so excited as she did when she made her way in back in Mo'bay.



Ken Jones Airstrip... you know I don't even remember this being here when I was a little kid... and I thought I knew every piece of cleared out bush that people call landing strips. I studied that chart so closely... well... it has been about 30 + years...

I could tell it was going to be an interesting ride nevertheless, as we started going through that light chop again. I figured I would get us a little more altitude... before the turn to the mountains.



"Make sure you remember... de peak is 7400 feet. You goin want to clear it little bit. De winds can mash up a plane pretty fast man."

I took Dean's words to heart... I am sure he has seen his share of wrecks on the island... after all, not only was it his job to ferry tourists, but also investigators of crashed planes, and any other NTSB type person who needed to get close to a wreck site.

I thought about having him takeover... but male ego took over instead. I pointed us at what appeared to be a decent pass between the mountains in a general direction towards Kingston.



Dean was not kidding... the moment we hit the foothills of St Mary's parish, the turbulence started. Tiffany started as well... moaning and silently cursing my chosen flight plan as we went up and down more than any ride at Disney.

"Drew... what are you doing? This is NOT fun!" Tiffany whacked my shoulder with her purse.

I could see Dean tense up a little as we approached the mountains... he may have been my best friend as a child but I think right now even my resume with US Air had no bearing on his plane, and our survivability.

I guess I cannot really blame him. The wind was tossing us around so much all that was missing was ranch dressing... Thank heavens for the autopilot... though it did auto disengage a couple times in the updrafts and sudden downdrafts of wind.

For a moment there I felt like I would be writing an article in Flying magazine... " I learned about flying from that".



As rough as the ride was, and my stomach feeling like it was trading places with my esophagus, I have to say that the peaks were still quite impressive. As we approached the lee side of the mountains, I would hit little pockets of smooth air and try to ride it out as much as I could before my passenger and copilot puked their empty stomachs.

I still like Cessnas though...

I was almost over the peak when a sudden downdraft dropped us about 400 feet...

Tiffany shrieked and pulled her seatbelt tighter. Dean grabbed the yoke on his side, and I pulled back as gently as I could to make sure we did not shear the top of the nearest peak...

Ok... this was officially a little on the no fun side.

I relaxed my grip on the yoke as I felt Dean pull more backpressure on it.

With an approving, yet I told you so look, he smiled at me...

"Everyting Irie man...." he said.



I looked past him to the right... Kingston... whoa... we were kind of off course after that rollercoaster ride, it looked a little further than I figured.

Looks like I kinda strayed from the path a little there...

"Yah man, it allright though... you did good for you first time man. Hahahha. But make sure you remember... dis is no Airbus hahahahhhaa."

I guess he had a point there.

"DREW, are we landing soon... I don't feel so good."

Come to think of it, she didn't look so good either.

Why don't you chew some of that tea you made me...

She flipped me off.



After we got over the relatively flat lands east of Kingston, the air calmed down considerably... though Tiffany was still shooting mental daggers through me, convinced this was my way of saying she should have stayed at the hotel and not bothered to bug me.

And now you see the balance... I need Tiffany as much as she needs me... she makes me laugh too. If it were Barney he'd probably have been asleep mumbling something about crazy Jamaican drivers, but with Tiff, I cannot pay for this kind of entertainment.

"Anju, time to start bring it in. Make me call up Kingston tower and go get us clearance. turn 250." Dean ordered.

I did as told and took us out over southern Jamaica... staring down at old plantations and more than likely a few jerk pork salesmen. In between control inputs... as always... snapping pix.



One thing that always amazed me about Jamaica... as gorgeous as the northern side's sandy beaches are... the southern side is filled with black sand beaches from when the Blue Mountains were actually active volcanoes.... long since defunct thankfully. I can only imagine trying that pass again with molten magma pelting my plane... umm no...

Well there was the Palisadoes peninsula, and on it, MKJP... Norman Manley International Airport... considered the gateway to Jamaica by many.

I thought back to the one flight where we had "Pirates of the Caribbean" as our inflight movie... just beyond the airport jutting into the sea is none other than the ancient pirate city of Port Royal... I promised myself if I had some time I would come back and take a look around Jack Sparrow's old haunts.

For now, I had to land...



As we went below 2000 feet, the haze started up again...

"Drew when are we eating? I am starving back here!!!"

"You know, me think say you have time if you want take my car from the hangar and go down to de restaurant. Me will take taxi after me done and meet you there. You remember where it is right? Round by Half Way Tree?"

Yeah I think I remember Dean... Shakey's, right? I am surprised it is still there!

"Yah man... you can't kill de best food pon de island man."

"Can we STOP talking about food and you guys land this thing please!!!!"

Hahahaha.... Tiff... I bet Sandals is looking real good right now?

"SHUT UP AND LAND!"



"Cessna Alpha Golf Bravo, you clear to land runway Tree Zero" the controller confirmed.

"Irie Kingston Tower... clear to land... Cessna Alpha Golf Bravo" Dean responded...

I lined us up and brought us in nice and easy... just as a well paid Airbus pilot should...

Maybe this would make up for my being in over my head over the mountains.



I could hear Tiff impatiently shuffling her purse around and playing with her seatbelt, as I pulled across the apron to Dean's area.

"Okay, look like me wife left de car. haha... allright you can go with it and give me like a hour and me will meet up with you."

Sure thing Bud...

I pulled up next to his personal aircraft, and no sooner I had the brakes on, Tiff was out the door and ready to go.



"COME ON ALREADY!"

I shook Dean's hand for the lesson in mountain flying, and vowed to meet up with him in an hour at Shakey's. He handed me the keys and I led an impatient Tiff to the Volvo.

We had to be back in about 2 hours for the flight back, and it was the middle of a hazy day in Kingston... which always means traffic, not to mention the long wait to get into Shakey's at this time of day... after all, they have the BEST pizza in Jamaica.

Of course Tiffany was expecting a four star surf and turf place...

I made a mental note that when we were back to work, I was going to be the most needy pilot she has ever seen.....