USAIR TALES #7 KPIT - KCLT Hold the Spring, and pass the soup...

"Yes doc... I know I should be in bed, but I will be fine..."

"Yeah I just have one hop to take, all my other pilots are booked and Jordan has my usual plane, so I'm going to do this one flight, and then jumpseat back from Charlotte..."

"I promise I will stop at the cafe and get some chicken soup..."

"OK doc... see you when I get back... thanks for the courtesy call..."



First day of Spring, and wouldn't you know it, in true Pittsburgh tradition, it is freaking snowing. I dunno how I got roped into doing this, but our Charlotte hub manager asked me for a favor in bringing this A321 down there for maintenance... just so happens I was free... heck I've been free the last 5 days... I've been in bed with the flu. I feel ok enough today, but since all my pilots are out, I call up Barney and let him know we have a mission. Flight 1405...



To be truthful, I really did not want to go... but out of obligation as a manager, sometimes you just have to suck up the courage and do what has to be done. Rest assured though, Barney will be handling most of this flight, as I am about 96% up to this... I call it "dayquil muscles". Thankfully we are all crosstrained... if you can fly the A319, as I do, then you can fly the A321... just a longer plane with different weights... well... that's what I thought anyway.



It feels kinda wierd, just an hour ago I saw Jordan screaming off of runway 10C with "Steeler Air", on his way... somewhere... I did not really check his flight schedule... I only reminded him to bring my baby home in one piece. As I sit here in this cockpit, I feel kind of naked without her... and of course in my rushed haze I forgot to get my picture of Lolo and Jess from the panel. Ugh!

"Boss you ready?" Barney asks... I nod affirmative, and bring this supersized white sausage to line up on 10L. Well if there is a silver lining... I will be out of the cold weather for a few hours... till the jumpseat back.



Textbook takeoff there Barney, I guess this thing isn't so tough afterall... Seems to behave like the "19".

Like clockwork Pit tower hands us off to Pit departure, and I count the seconds waiting for our vectors to our departure heading...

I can't help but wonder how it can be sunny out, yet STILL be snowing... go figure?



Well at least there are clouds over downtown... but then again, when are there NOT clouds over downtown.

ATCHOOOO!!!

Oops... slight hiccup in our movement there... Sorry about that Barney... I sincerely hope the passengers don't notice, they might have thought a gun went off in here or something.

I ask Barney to takeover for me real quick as I make a frantic hunt for my kleenex. Somehow I do not think CLT maintenance will appreciate me getting snot all over the place. Besides which... it'll only give them sick time off. If they get sick time off, not all the planes will be maintained and we will have to cancel some flights... thereby losing revenue... and causing the stock to crash. The CEO will want heads and mine will be first... All because of some snot.

Yeah I better keep those kleenex handy.



Well at least we are finally above the snow. The rest of this trip should be pretty uneventful...

Oh, I should ask Tiffany if she has any of that herbal tea she always swears by... she usually manages to smuggle some aboard wherever she is going. As soon as we are in a slow ascent to cruise, I decide to push the attendant call button.

A delicate knock on the cabin door... I reach back to open it and see my lead hostess Tiffany... who usually manages to be on every flight I am on. Gorgeous slender blonde who could probably have been a model had she found a way to break into the industry...

"What can I get for you Captain?"



Hey Tiff... do you by chance still carry that herbal tea you used to swear by?

"Oh you mean my mojo tea? Sure! You want some?"

Yeah why not... if you please... mojo tea eh?

I could see Barney's eyebrows raise from behind his shades...

"Yeah that seems to be the nickname it's taken on... if you have any kind of problem it'll knock it right out like a N'Awleans Witchdoctor!", she explained in her usual Florida drawl...

Sounds like just the thing... With a childish grin on her face, and a spark in those bright blue eyes, she heads back to the galley.

By now Barney is staring at me.... "Mojo Tea boss???"

I shook my head laughing... I know I know... Tiff is a little... well.. special... let's say she kinda thinks she is a third generation "healer".



A couple minutes later, with a singsong voice, Tiffany floats back into the cockpit.

"Here ya go Captain. Now remember... sip... don't chug. Be careful, it's hot."

I could feel Barney getting ready to mouth "what's in it" so I shot him a look as if to say... I really do not want to know... as long as it goes down and stays down.

With a pat on the shoulder, Tiffany excused herself and closed the door behind her.

Under the watchful eyes of my First Officer, I took a sip.....

.....

OMG! This has got to be the most awful tasting tea I have ever had... But I could see Mr. Barney getting ready to bust a belly laugh, so I tried not to breathe in the smell of roots, twigs, and whatever other treehugging witches brew Tiffany concocted for me, and drank it with about as much grace as a child eating chopped liver for the first time.

About halfway into the cup we hit some light chop... I think for about 3 minutes the tea was sitting on the fence as to whether it wanted to be in my belly or back out my mouth, and with a tentative choke, It decided on the downward course of action... thankfully.

A chuckle came from the right seat.



Funny thing about tea... no matter what is in it, or what is used to mix with it... it always has that same aftertaste... like I have been eating cut grass... with other woodland chips inserted within in this case. I thought I might have tasted some honey in there, but the overpowering smell of mulch may have killed any pleasant thoughts of salvation by bee spit. You know, I think I also tasted.... cayenne pepper?

Nah...

I swear if I upchuck in CLT terminal B when we land Barney will NEVER let me live this down... so I prayed to the Gods of antacid to keep this stuff in my gullet... PLEASE!



About 20 minutes later, Tiffany knocked and let herself in to take my cup, along with my crumpled up kleenexes that seemed to have taken residence behind my chair.

"How'd you like it Captain?"

It was... ummm... good.

"Hahahah you lie like a rug Drew!" She jabbed at me, "I know it tastes like crap, but you know what, you'll thank me later... mark my words... you'll thank me!"

As soon as she closed the door behind her, Barney starts chuckling...

"Hey Boss... you think this is like the presidency? Like say if you keel over dead in the airport, do I become captain?"

Barney if you don't shut up, I am gonna cough on you! I swear!!

You got any gum by chance? I cannot seem to get this aftertaste out of my mouth...



Not much longer, we got the call to start our descent into Charlotte and adjust course for runway 23...

Great... runway 23... the short one... I hate landing on that thing in "Steeler Air", this ought to be fun with this stretch limo...

I tell you what though, this A321 just seems to float on down... wheeee...

Either that, or I am getting a little light headed.

I wonder if she WOULD poison me... Nah she has no reason to... I always send her a xmas gift... she always gets invited to my barbecues... and I even nominated her Flight Attendant of the month a few times...

Well one thing is certain, light headed or no, I have stopped sneezing.



I could hear her announce to our passengers that we were descending to our destination, and it amazes me how ethereal her voice sounds... almost like an angel. To hear her talk it's like she never left the South, but on the intercom, she has a golden voice that almost implores you to relax...

"Boss... BOSS!"

I very nearly missed the handoff to CLT approach.

Sorry about that Barney... must be something in this damn tea...



Ok now comes the fun part... with Charlotte dead ahead and runway 23 to our right, it was time to bring the oversized sausage down. I called for autobrake setting high... I'm not taking any chances with this puppy. We're gonna do this one by the books... last thing I need is CLT laughing at us KPIT pilots and our inability to handle planes larger than our egos!

Well at least I get to jumpseat home... with the rumbling in my belly and the ozone in my head I am not sure I am up for another flight anyway... and damn if I still don't have a cayenne pepper feeling on my tongue, even with Barney's Orbit gum!



A little wind from the southwest... time to adjust course a little...

One thing I am grateful for, is that I always seem to end up with solid First Officers... Barney is definitely grace under fire, even if he does have a mouth with a tendency to fire first and think after.

He'll learn though... when he gets to where I am and has a FO of his own, he'll know...

Ok Barney... landing checklist please...



Surprisingly there's not much outbound traffic this time of morning... so we have time to slow down a little and make our minor corrections while the gear extends.

Still feeling a little light headed, but oddly enough I feel fine, my sinuses cleared... my vision is acute, and except for this slight ringing in my ears, I actually think we can pull this off here! Not so sure about my belly though... I think it is planning a mutiny.

No time to think while landing... Focus Drew... Focus...



Well at the last minute the big bird decides it wants to reach out to the ground a little soon... definitely not our BEST landing... but we are down... AND... we are well short of the end of runway 23.

I gladly hand over taxiing duties to Barney...

You know our gate... B8... all yours FO.

"Hey Boss I been meaning to ask you... do we have bad hydraulics on this thing, or is that your stomach rumbling?"

I shot him another glance...

My stomach answered for me however...

"No further questions, your honor" he chuckled...



Well I am not quite sure what happened, but I guess the rumbling stopped... my stomach feels fine now... and the lightheadedness is gone as well... good thing too, I just noticed I set the A/C in the cockpit to Alaska setting.

I almost hate to say it but I think Tiff's witches brew... or excuse me "mojo tea" did the trick. Guess I won't be needing to get that chicken soup afterall. Ahhh what the heck... it's doctor's orders anyway, so I suppose I will do it otherwise I will never hear the end of it from Doctor Patel.



Doesn't matter, I am just thankful there is NO SNOW!!! From here Charlotte looks like Spring is in full bloom, pun intended. Of course just my luck I have to fly back later today... can't stay and enjoy the 75 degree weather, even for a little bit.

It's not like I have much waiting back home for me. Sure Rosemarie is there... but Jess and Lolo are in Florida on a mother-daughter spring break spending spree. Even the dog has been avoiding me since I had the flu... though it has not stopped the cats from claiming all unused kleenexes as their own.

Stupid cats.



"So what's the plan boss?"

I hate when Barney interrupts my thinking...

Well looks like we wait till the 4:10PM flight is ready... in the meantime I guess we hang out and bug the CLT staff for a few hours. I might go get some paperwork done... after I get some soup. But you can go do whatever, just meet me back around 3:30 for boarding. I know the guy we are flying back with, Sean... he's a stickler for being on time. Aside from which, he just got promoted to VP of all East OPS... so I'd rather not be late.

"Sure thing boss."



Finally at Charlotte...

I have to admit I DO feel good!

After waiting till the passengers all debarked (I am NOT about to shake anyone's hands today), I gathered the crew and headed for the restaurant.

Thank God, they have chicken soup... Like a good patient, I ordered a helping.

Tiffany slides up to me and looks me in the eye.

"So how ya feeling Captain? Better, right?"

I chuckled... Yeah as a matter of fact, I do feel better, Thanks. I gotta admit that was the nastiest tasting thing I ever had, but yeah... you were right. I owe ya one.

The look on her face of sheer satisfaction was priceless.

Not long after lunch, we all decided to go our separate ways, to meet up later at gate B6 for our jumpseat back.

I was about halfway to the gate when, like a bullet train with no brakes....

UP it all came! Soup, tea, dayquil and all!





But Tiffany was right... after I puked... I DID feel MUCH better.