USAIR TALES #9 KCLT - MKJS The Wrong Stuff...

So I got the call to fly to Jamaica again... Needless to say I was pretty excited about it. Now this time I made ABSOLUTELY sure I had my passport, and whatever other necessary paperwork I needed. However, this time it was to be different... see I had just gotten my promotion to Senior Captain, and had mentioned in passing last time I was in KCLT that I had been studying up on the 757-200 and doing some sim time. Well some strings were pulled, and suddenly I found myself in here.



The right seat... can't tell you how long it's been since I have been in this seat. For this flight I was paired with Captain Keith Wiggand, who supposedly is one of the best 757 pilots in KCLT. Now I have to admit, he looked like a washed up wrestler, but if anyone would give me the opportunity to try my hand at this behemoth it would be him, so I got all my paperwork ready, and settled in for my newfound First Officer gig.

Knock on the door...

Tiffany. How did you get here?

"Hey Drew... I told you, where you go I go. I am not taking any chances. I brought my special tea too!"

Oh lawd... I'll pass today. Keith this is Tiffany, Tiff, Keith...




With a courteous smile, Tiff went back to the galley to assert her dominance over the other flight attendants... in her usual style, and I got ready for the checklist.

"So you ever fly the '57 before Bolton?"

Can't say I have... I figure this will be my intro to heavies.

"Yeah well I will take care of most of it and go through some stuff with you, so you get a better idea of how it SHOULD be done. You'll learn a lot from me. There's a reason why I'm the best!"

Hmmm... sounds like it.




Not long after we were pushed back, into midday traffic... looks like a takeoff on runway 5. This ought to be fun in this monster. Keith graciously allowed me to take care of taxi duties as he grabbed a nip of chewing tobacco... wait a minute, are we allowed to use chewing tobacco onboard?

And where the heck was he gonna spit it out???

My answer came soon enough as he produced a small silver vase from his flight bag...

I tried not to puke.




Today was as busy as any other in Charlotte... Steeler Airlines seemed to have a stranglehold on the takeoffs today. The fledgeling company was doing an awesome job lately at cornering the value added airline market. I even hear they serve hot meals still, at a time when most airlines stick to pretzels and drinks. Unheard of in this industry... but from what I hear the entrepreneur who runs the airline has the backing of the Steelers, so I expect money is no object... unless it's draft time. Good to see Pittsburgh has a foothold in the national airline industry. If I was not already entrenched in USAir I'd probably be flying with them.




I think Tom Petty said it best... the waiting is the hardest part. No I take that back... the watching my Captain spit brown gobs of smelly goop into a spitoon is the hardest part.

Dude... No offense man, but are you gonna do that the whole flight?

"My plane Bolton, I do what I want."

Well excuse me... To borrow a Star Wars phrase... I had a bad feeling about this one.

I wondered how long this dude has been flying, and how many first officers he has been through in his career... Well at least I had Tiffany with me. One familiar face will at least help keep me sane... something tells me I will need it.




15 minutes later... FINALLY it is our turn to depart. My excitement level rose like a little kid on his first roller coaster ride. Not only was I going back to my homeland, but on a 757 no less... Even though I thoroughly enjoy flying my "Steeler Air", if I enjoy this particular flight, I may well be moving on to the next logical step up in my flying career. Now if only I could pull some strings and get a steeler logo painted on the tail!

"Ready Bolton?"

Yup...




"Now that's what I call a takeoff!!!" Keith boomed with a maddened look in his eyes...

He has GOT to be kidding me... He used EVERY INCH of rwy 5 and we barely made it over the ILS lighting before he decided to skim the bushes and FINALLY pull up!!! OK This dude obviously has some kinda thrill issues going on...

I think we almost clipped a Nissan there on the highway!

Man how I wish I had Barney here at least... maybe two to one we could take him.




As I looked out the starboard cockpit window I stared longingly at Charlotte... so far this guy has not really impressed me, and I could not help but think maybe this was gonna be the last time I see Charlotte alive.

"So Bolton, you wanna fly this sucker for a lil, I really gotta take a whizz!"

Umm you realize we are in a 10 degree climb, not even past 10,000 feet.

"Yeah well just hold the yoke man. Be right back"

HE GOT UP!!! OMG HE GOT UP!!!

I'm in an unfamiliar plane, basically trying to keep us stable, and this idiot gets up to go to the restroom??? Ok, that does it... I am reporting him to his hub manager when we get back.

To make matters worse, he stuck that dang spitoon behind my seat!!!




7 minutes later... Hot Shot the pilot comes back.

"Damn, that Sbarro don't agree with me... whew. You might not wanna go in there just yet

hahahha"

Yeah... I think I can hold it for a few.

"Ok I'll take over now..."

Sure thing, by the way, you mind moving that thing from behind me please?

"Whatsamatter Bolton, can't handle the chaw? hahahaa."

I gave him a disapproving look... and with a roll of his eyes he took back his spitoon... and placed it ON THE PEDESTAL!!!!

Not much better. This was going to be a long flight...




Just south of Columbia,SC, I noticed some nasty looking thunderheads in our path. Now we were originally filed to go through that mess, but in my experience, always best to err on the side of caution and call for a way around. I reached for the ATL center frequency and prepared to announce...

"HEY! What you doing?"

What do you mean what am I doing? I'm calling the tower! Don't you see those cumulonimbus up ahead?

"It's just a little stormcloud man... If you gonna be a wuss this whole flight you can always sit in the jumpseat man. I told you MY PLANE, i do what I want!"

Now look buddy, that may be so but you had better not forget I am management. We do things by the book here in this airline. Unless you would rather walk back from Jamaica, I suggest you chill out and I'll call the center for a modification to our flight plan!

No response from Keith... I thumbed the frequency and got us a slight change of plans around the nastiest of the clouds.




Talk about a conflict of interests...

So here is what I cannot understand... I am a captain and a manager... how did this guy get to be a captain, and was he perhaps passed over for being a manager? Where is his attitude coming from?

I knew I could not answer these questions myself... but I knew one thing... He was not long for this airline with that attitude, and perhaps he knew it...




Several quiet minutes later we found ourselves over Orlando, with Cape Canaveral in sight.

Not a peep out of mister Hot Shot... I had to ask...

So Keith... how long have you been left seating the 757 anyway?

"7 years, what of it?"

And in that time... you ever feel like you are "going somewhere", or is this just like a job?

"What kinda dumbarse question is that?"

Well I am just curious... is this what you WANT to do, or is it just what you feel you HAVE to do?

He looked at me like I was a martian or something...

and paused...




......

......

Knock on the door... Tiffany.

"Hey guys... here's some drinks for ya. Don't worry Drew, it's all juice!"

Thanks Tiff. I was grateful for the break in the silence, as my "captain" stared off into the distance like a gargoyle.

"Oh look, it's Lake Okeechobee! I used to live round there." Tiffany added.

Yeah I bet you can count the gators from here...

Tiffany rolled her eyes and headed out, casting a strange "what's his problem" type of glance towards Keith, then looking back at me as she closed the cockpit door.




Almost there... light puffy clouds over Cuba... and for the most part all I have heard from Keith is the occasional mumble and the unmistakable sound of a spitful of tobacco in a silver spitoon. I decided to check my approach guides, and the maps of the area, even though I knew it somewhat well, and have been here under my own steam. It killed time... something to do.

"I'm leaving. Ain't nothing more here for me..."

Say what? That was the first time I heard Keith make a sound other than spitting in the last half hour.

"I'm tired man. I been passed up for promotion 4 times, this damn airline done shorted me pay on flights and the FAA been down my back lately about my eyesight."

Ok... well this was news to me.

I think he was being serious...




"When I am done with this flight, I might just stay in Jamaica. You can hand my papers in to CLT. I ain't about to go on doin' this crap man."

Are you serious?

"Yup."

I honestly did not know what to say...

For once I was actually speechless. Here is a guy who obviously has been somewhat beaten down by either the system or himself... and he was at the end of his rope. Now it was starting to make sense. I wondered how long it took before he got to this place... how many people he pushed away just to bring himself to this place... and what his future held.

I read his dossier... he had been an awesome pilot for the last decade at least, but mounting emotional issues seemed to plague his career. Now here he was... revealing to me that he was pretty much done.

It kinda made me feel sad for him.




Well if nothing else Keith, you owe it to yourself to finish it up. I can take care of whatever paperwork you need, but you gotta be sure this is what you wanna do man.

"It's like you said... is this what I wanna do, or what I have to do. I ain't gonna lie to ya Drew. I got me a wife in Jamaica... and a house done bought and paid for. When we land... that's it for me. I been plannin this a while now."

What could I say? There comes a point in a man's life when he knows he just has to move on. Nothing I could say at this point would change that. He was in his late 50s, and obviously burnt out.

I did the only thing I could do... I called Kingston Center in prep for our approach, and loaded up our procedures for landing.




The approach was cloudy to say the least... and I could feel how much different the 757 was to the Airbus, as I brought us down to our vectors to final.

Keith was strangely quiet, except for pointing out things to do that I almost overlooked as a newbie 757 pilot.

"Ok, kick back man, I am gonna take us in from here."

Here was a man on his last approach of his career... I let him have the yoke.

I took mental notes as he glided us down to final fix, localizer kicked in, and we began our descent... hmm.. a little lower than normal, but heck I am in a different airframe.




The haze was ridiculous... we could not even see the threshold... and I could not help but get that little nervousness that even the most seasoned pilot gets, wondering whether this several ton piece of metal and such would actually stay afloat long enough to pass over the painted number 7 that meant welcome to Montego Bay. As we cleared the haze, my suspicions about being too low were realized...

Ummm Keith... what is that at the end of the runway?




Almost looks like... a telephone pole?

Dude we are kinda low here!

"Naw... we will clear it."

Ok granted I have never left seated a 757 before, but I am pretty sure we are way too low here.

"Just chill out man, I got this. I GOT THIS."

Keith I am NOT kidding here... pull up.

PULL UP!!




I could have sworn i felt the wheels touch the top of the telephone pole as we hunched up then plopped down onto the runway almost halfway down!

It's a wonder we had any gear left to land ON! We spent the next 4 seconds engaging thrust reversers, speed brakes... autobrakes... everything that would stop this damn thing just before we ended up in the grass!




We stopped within 15 feet of the end of the runway.

It took me about 2 minutes before I realized yes, my heart WAS in fact still beating. I can only hope the passengers were oblivious to this... landing.

Keith, in a profound state of defeat, and with the obvious realization that he almost killed us all... quietly folded his arms, and nodded at me to take us in. He put his semi full spitoon back into his flight bag, and started reaching for his jacket.

I did not say a word...




No sooner I had us on taxiway alpha, I had to open the window... I had to get some clean, fresh tropical air... As I gazed at the palms across the runway, the sense of calm came back over me. I was back in Jamaica. This time for a week, some of which I would spend flying...

and most importantly, we are alive.

I pulled us up as graciously as my still shaky hands could do, and not once did I even glance at Keith. He knew what was up... He knew what lay ahead... and there was no point my belaboring the issue.

I am after all a manager. It is my job to evaluate people, groom them for a future in this airline, and correct them if needed.

Here was a man who needed no further guidance.




I pulled us up to the gate... turned off what I remembered to turn off... Gave Tiffany the word to prepare the cabin for debarkation.

As I went to turn off the seat belt sign, Keith clasped his bag... took off his company wings, and dropped them on the pedestal next to me.

Without a word, he was the first person out of the aircraft.




That was the last we ever saw... of Keith Wiggand.

USAIR TALES #8- KPIT - KCLT A History Lesson...

Our story begins as usual, in KPIT, in the early dawn hours... a regular flight to KCLT, no biggie... Barney and I have done this trip scores of times, we could practically do it in our sleep... which is good because Pedro (the bulldog I got for Lolo, whom I tried to name Big Ben but was shot down) decided he wanted to bark incessantly last night for no apparent reason.

Unbeknownst to me, there was a surprise awaiting me at the gate... Instead of good old N733UW (Steeler Air), I was met with this...



N745VJ... The Allegheny Air retro A319!!! WHO ORDERED THIS? Is Jordan playing a sick joke on me here? I am not flying this piece of crap! I decided to do my preflight walkaround and at least make sure it had no duct tape on the wings. I ran into the crew chief and he assured me this aircraft had a clean bill of health... unlike Steeler Air, which was in the shop for its 100 hour maintenance at the moment... sigh... I resigned myself to the fact that I would have to fly this "thing" to Charlotte.

Barney was needless to say surprised when he got in the cockpit and noticed my usual picture of Lolo and Jess was not in there. Then it dawned on him that this might not actually be the same aircraft we usually fly... his butt indentations in his seat were missing.

"Boss, we really flying this thing? Where's our usual plane?", he asked as I sat down for my cockpit check...



"Maintenance... they stuck us with this thing. I blame marketing... they are trying to make connections with the airlines of old that are long since dead."

No sooner I said it, a head popped through the doorway... and with it, a suit attached and a manila folder.

"Captain Bolton?"

"Yeah, who are you?"

"Hi there, Jack Minneo from marketing. This packet is for you. It's a history of Allegheny Airlines so you can get an idea of marketing's strategy with the Retro series. We're gonna start basing this aircraft in KPIT so you should probably get to know her. Thanks, bye!"

And with that he was out the door. I looked at the folder... I looked at Barney... Barney just shook his head. Well, if anything, it will pass the time I guess.



Ok, well I am barely awake enough for this... and now marketing wants me to read their propaganda... I made a mental note to carry it with me to the restroom when I reach KCLT, and our offices there. As we taxied out to rwy 28L, I glanced at the title staring at me from the back of the pedestal... "Allegheny Airlines and US Airways- A rich heritage"... snappy title... not. This thing better not read like an instruction manual. I had Barney do the callouts to the tower this morning and I briefed Tiffany that this would be the first of a four part leg we were doing, so she had better make sure the crew was up for it. I guess if they are not she can whip up some witches brew to give them superhuman stamina or something...

I wondered if Isaac or any of the other managers had to go through this crap... or maybe they did not get assigned any Retro aircraft. Who knows... I figured I would ask later. At least they made this one smell like new airplane again...



Not a lot of traffic this morning on the ground or in the air... it's still early yet. This should make for a relatively short flight, provided the weather up there holds out. One thing I like about flying to Charlotte is the timeframe is just right... not long enough for my butt to go numb, but just long enough to feel like I have flown my money's worth. Of course judging from the flight plan looks like we have to do a few zigzags just to get there... I cannot wait till we are cleared to fly direct GPS routes... some of these vroutes drive me nuts!

Hmmm... a rich heritage... I wonder just how rich it could be... what did Allegheny front the money for US Airways or something? Now that I think about it... I have been a pilot for this company a few years now, but I don't really remember the whole "history of USAir" thing... Must have been one of those times I fell asleep in orientation...



Well... it flies... that's a good start. Ok so there is no Steeler logo on the tail, and my girls' picture is not on the dash... if you flown one A319, you pretty much flown them all, so it was no big deal for Barney to take over the bulk of the departure, while I set us up for the cruise, and called out to the tower when needed. I quickly looked over the itinerary... KCLT, then KJAX, back to KCLT... then KPIT for the evening. Pretty straightforward.

If I am lucky maintenance will be done by time we get back to KPIT, and I can pawn this sucker off on someone more deserving...

OK, I admit it... I feel naked without Steeler Air!

Sheesh...



Just over 10,000... and we are well on our way for another routine flight. Tiff has orders to start serving when we close in on cruise... drinks and pretzels only of course... Barney is content to monitor things on the flight deck... and this folder keeps staring at me...

Well, probably would not hurt to take a look I guess... even if it is propaganda.

Page 1... the beginnings.

Says here Allegheny Airlines started life as the All American Aviation Company... a business founded by the du Pont family in 1939. Wow, du Pont? So while they were into chemicals I guess they tried their hands with airmail eh? Now that I did not know! I guess in 1949, the airmail thing was not working out so hot, so they decided on the way more lucrative airline business... and converted to a passenger airline designed to cash in on the growing market in the late 40s early 50s. Why'd they pick "Allegheny"... well this should be no surprise... they were based in PITTSBURGH! Home of the Allegheny river... Cool... probably the first and last time we ever had an airline based here...



Switch to Indianapolis center... roger...

Almost forgot to check in there... anyways, back to my reading.

Ok so 1952, official start of the airline known as Allegheny Airlines... with its DC3 fleet, and newly acquired Martin 202s... I can only imagine what those flights were like... says here passengers nicknamed it "Agony Air" due to the often turbulent flights hahahahaha. Good to know Pittsburgh weather did not disappoint even back then, when Allegheny Airport was the key hub to western PA.

Oh wow, this is cool Barney, listen to this... Allegheny was one of the first airlines to create an affiliate network of airlines... they called it the Allegheny Commuter System... somehow I think Star Alliance would have been a better name, but hey, I did not make it. Sounds like these guys were pretty ambitious at the time. I wonder what Juan Tripp and Panam had to say about these young upstarts?

Whatever it was, it probably wasn't good. I hear he hated everyone.

Even so though, the first real use of codeshare... that's pretty impressive...


Tiffany came in with some juice for me and a coke for Barney, and ever the nosy so and so, she of course asked me what I was reading and why I was not flying the plane.

I told her propaganda... She shook her head and excused herself.

So this Allegheny seemed like a pretty big mover and shaker regionally it seems. Nothing but growth from the mid fifties to the late sixties... but like every story, I expected this one would have its share of tragedy... On September 9, 1969 Allegheny Flight 853, a DC-9 from Cincinatti to Indianapolis collided with a GA plane, killing 83 people in both aircraft... Wow... Doesn't look like that was enough to stop Allegheny though, they brushed off and decided to press forward. By this time they had close to 200 planes!

As I got to the entry for 1979, I had to do a double take...

I looked out the cockpit window, then reread what had me in shock.

"As deregulation dawned on the industry, Allegheny — looking to shed its regional image — changed its name to USAir on October 28, 1979."

HOLY CRAP!!!!



Barney must have thought I meant the Southwest that flew over us. I had to explain to him I just had a revelation about this aircraft, and its meaning to us as US Airways employees... this is quite literally the grandpappy of US Airways! Well its livery is anyway...

Now there's something else I never knew. Looks like they kept the Allegheny name for the commuter section of the company, what would eventually be known as US Airways Express, and based that arm of the company in Harrisburg PA, keeping the main hub for the mainline fleet at Pittsburgh. Apparently Allegheny also branched out to have communter hubs in, you guessed it, Philly and Boston!

I often wondered how we got those hubs... now I know...

Somehow Barney did not sound as excited about this knowledge as I was.



Almost to Charlotte, and almost finished with the packet...

Fast Forward to 1992, and the official opening of KPIT- Pittsburgh International Airport... and one of the main hubs for US Air. Looks like around that time, the powers that be decided to integrate the commuter arm of the airline and it became US Air Express. From then on, looks like we had one united airline, under the US Air name, with several hubs in the northeast, at least till Piedmont came on board and gifted the company the hub at Charlotte... our destination.

Speaking of which, I better get ready to land this thing.



You know, I gotta admit, this was all information I did not expect to read. So Allegheny truly is the parent airline of US Airways... based in Pittsburgh no less... all of a sudden that puts this aircraft, and my station's history in a whole new light.

Of course I am still going to complain about KPIT's loss of hub status, and flights, but then I do not make the policy, I just fly the planes... I leave that to better beings than I.

At least now it is starting to make sense why marketing wants to base this aircraft in KPIT.

It's no Steeler Air, but I think I can grow to like seeing it at the airport, if not flying it every now and then.



Well here we are back on approach to runway 23 again... I made sure to set autobrake to High setting this time... I cannot stand this runway, too dang short... well short for my tastes.

Tiffany announced cabin secure and we began our final approach into Charlotte.

Maybe it was just me, but it seemed to me that this majestic little Allegheny retro just kinda glided in with pride! It may not have had a smile on its nose like the PSA aircraft, but it felt like this inanimate object had been given a dose of self esteem and respect as we made our way across the threshold and onto runway 23.

Just in time for breakfast too! I got a couple hours before we head to KJAX anyways...



We did our usual leisurely taxi into our favorite gate, B6, and I could not help but think, all these drab old US Airways navy liveries look pale by comparison to the regal aircraft we were guiding to the gate to end its first leg under my command.

What started as an ugly livery for me to even consider flying, all of a sudden became something to be proud of... an aircraft worthy of its name and indeed, its rich heritage!

I'm not one for propaganda... and I do not like marketing... but now that I know the history of this airline, and this livery in particular, I cannot help but feel a bit proud to have been selected to fly this plane.

The du Ponts did it right... yeah, they did it right...



And to think... all this because they decided they wanted to dabble in air mail!

After powerdown, I got out of the vistajet and just stood on the tarmac, looking at it...

Somewhere out of the corner of my eye, I could see the pilots of old who helped to build the airline I work for today...

... and they were smiling at me.

USAIR TALES #7 KPIT - KCLT Hold the Spring, and pass the soup...

"Yes doc... I know I should be in bed, but I will be fine..."

"Yeah I just have one hop to take, all my other pilots are booked and Jordan has my usual plane, so I'm going to do this one flight, and then jumpseat back from Charlotte..."

"I promise I will stop at the cafe and get some chicken soup..."

"OK doc... see you when I get back... thanks for the courtesy call..."



First day of Spring, and wouldn't you know it, in true Pittsburgh tradition, it is freaking snowing. I dunno how I got roped into doing this, but our Charlotte hub manager asked me for a favor in bringing this A321 down there for maintenance... just so happens I was free... heck I've been free the last 5 days... I've been in bed with the flu. I feel ok enough today, but since all my pilots are out, I call up Barney and let him know we have a mission. Flight 1405...



To be truthful, I really did not want to go... but out of obligation as a manager, sometimes you just have to suck up the courage and do what has to be done. Rest assured though, Barney will be handling most of this flight, as I am about 96% up to this... I call it "dayquil muscles". Thankfully we are all crosstrained... if you can fly the A319, as I do, then you can fly the A321... just a longer plane with different weights... well... that's what I thought anyway.



It feels kinda wierd, just an hour ago I saw Jordan screaming off of runway 10C with "Steeler Air", on his way... somewhere... I did not really check his flight schedule... I only reminded him to bring my baby home in one piece. As I sit here in this cockpit, I feel kind of naked without her... and of course in my rushed haze I forgot to get my picture of Lolo and Jess from the panel. Ugh!

"Boss you ready?" Barney asks... I nod affirmative, and bring this supersized white sausage to line up on 10L. Well if there is a silver lining... I will be out of the cold weather for a few hours... till the jumpseat back.



Textbook takeoff there Barney, I guess this thing isn't so tough afterall... Seems to behave like the "19".

Like clockwork Pit tower hands us off to Pit departure, and I count the seconds waiting for our vectors to our departure heading...

I can't help but wonder how it can be sunny out, yet STILL be snowing... go figure?



Well at least there are clouds over downtown... but then again, when are there NOT clouds over downtown.

ATCHOOOO!!!

Oops... slight hiccup in our movement there... Sorry about that Barney... I sincerely hope the passengers don't notice, they might have thought a gun went off in here or something.

I ask Barney to takeover for me real quick as I make a frantic hunt for my kleenex. Somehow I do not think CLT maintenance will appreciate me getting snot all over the place. Besides which... it'll only give them sick time off. If they get sick time off, not all the planes will be maintained and we will have to cancel some flights... thereby losing revenue... and causing the stock to crash. The CEO will want heads and mine will be first... All because of some snot.

Yeah I better keep those kleenex handy.



Well at least we are finally above the snow. The rest of this trip should be pretty uneventful...

Oh, I should ask Tiffany if she has any of that herbal tea she always swears by... she usually manages to smuggle some aboard wherever she is going. As soon as we are in a slow ascent to cruise, I decide to push the attendant call button.

A delicate knock on the cabin door... I reach back to open it and see my lead hostess Tiffany... who usually manages to be on every flight I am on. Gorgeous slender blonde who could probably have been a model had she found a way to break into the industry...

"What can I get for you Captain?"



Hey Tiff... do you by chance still carry that herbal tea you used to swear by?

"Oh you mean my mojo tea? Sure! You want some?"

Yeah why not... if you please... mojo tea eh?

I could see Barney's eyebrows raise from behind his shades...

"Yeah that seems to be the nickname it's taken on... if you have any kind of problem it'll knock it right out like a N'Awleans Witchdoctor!", she explained in her usual Florida drawl...

Sounds like just the thing... With a childish grin on her face, and a spark in those bright blue eyes, she heads back to the galley.

By now Barney is staring at me.... "Mojo Tea boss???"

I shook my head laughing... I know I know... Tiff is a little... well.. special... let's say she kinda thinks she is a third generation "healer".



A couple minutes later, with a singsong voice, Tiffany floats back into the cockpit.

"Here ya go Captain. Now remember... sip... don't chug. Be careful, it's hot."

I could feel Barney getting ready to mouth "what's in it" so I shot him a look as if to say... I really do not want to know... as long as it goes down and stays down.

With a pat on the shoulder, Tiffany excused herself and closed the door behind her.

Under the watchful eyes of my First Officer, I took a sip.....

.....

OMG! This has got to be the most awful tasting tea I have ever had... But I could see Mr. Barney getting ready to bust a belly laugh, so I tried not to breathe in the smell of roots, twigs, and whatever other treehugging witches brew Tiffany concocted for me, and drank it with about as much grace as a child eating chopped liver for the first time.

About halfway into the cup we hit some light chop... I think for about 3 minutes the tea was sitting on the fence as to whether it wanted to be in my belly or back out my mouth, and with a tentative choke, It decided on the downward course of action... thankfully.

A chuckle came from the right seat.



Funny thing about tea... no matter what is in it, or what is used to mix with it... it always has that same aftertaste... like I have been eating cut grass... with other woodland chips inserted within in this case. I thought I might have tasted some honey in there, but the overpowering smell of mulch may have killed any pleasant thoughts of salvation by bee spit. You know, I think I also tasted.... cayenne pepper?

Nah...

I swear if I upchuck in CLT terminal B when we land Barney will NEVER let me live this down... so I prayed to the Gods of antacid to keep this stuff in my gullet... PLEASE!



About 20 minutes later, Tiffany knocked and let herself in to take my cup, along with my crumpled up kleenexes that seemed to have taken residence behind my chair.

"How'd you like it Captain?"

It was... ummm... good.

"Hahahah you lie like a rug Drew!" She jabbed at me, "I know it tastes like crap, but you know what, you'll thank me later... mark my words... you'll thank me!"

As soon as she closed the door behind her, Barney starts chuckling...

"Hey Boss... you think this is like the presidency? Like say if you keel over dead in the airport, do I become captain?"

Barney if you don't shut up, I am gonna cough on you! I swear!!

You got any gum by chance? I cannot seem to get this aftertaste out of my mouth...



Not much longer, we got the call to start our descent into Charlotte and adjust course for runway 23...

Great... runway 23... the short one... I hate landing on that thing in "Steeler Air", this ought to be fun with this stretch limo...

I tell you what though, this A321 just seems to float on down... wheeee...

Either that, or I am getting a little light headed.

I wonder if she WOULD poison me... Nah she has no reason to... I always send her a xmas gift... she always gets invited to my barbecues... and I even nominated her Flight Attendant of the month a few times...

Well one thing is certain, light headed or no, I have stopped sneezing.



I could hear her announce to our passengers that we were descending to our destination, and it amazes me how ethereal her voice sounds... almost like an angel. To hear her talk it's like she never left the South, but on the intercom, she has a golden voice that almost implores you to relax...

"Boss... BOSS!"

I very nearly missed the handoff to CLT approach.

Sorry about that Barney... must be something in this damn tea...



Ok now comes the fun part... with Charlotte dead ahead and runway 23 to our right, it was time to bring the oversized sausage down. I called for autobrake setting high... I'm not taking any chances with this puppy. We're gonna do this one by the books... last thing I need is CLT laughing at us KPIT pilots and our inability to handle planes larger than our egos!

Well at least I get to jumpseat home... with the rumbling in my belly and the ozone in my head I am not sure I am up for another flight anyway... and damn if I still don't have a cayenne pepper feeling on my tongue, even with Barney's Orbit gum!



A little wind from the southwest... time to adjust course a little...

One thing I am grateful for, is that I always seem to end up with solid First Officers... Barney is definitely grace under fire, even if he does have a mouth with a tendency to fire first and think after.

He'll learn though... when he gets to where I am and has a FO of his own, he'll know...

Ok Barney... landing checklist please...



Surprisingly there's not much outbound traffic this time of morning... so we have time to slow down a little and make our minor corrections while the gear extends.

Still feeling a little light headed, but oddly enough I feel fine, my sinuses cleared... my vision is acute, and except for this slight ringing in my ears, I actually think we can pull this off here! Not so sure about my belly though... I think it is planning a mutiny.

No time to think while landing... Focus Drew... Focus...



Well at the last minute the big bird decides it wants to reach out to the ground a little soon... definitely not our BEST landing... but we are down... AND... we are well short of the end of runway 23.

I gladly hand over taxiing duties to Barney...

You know our gate... B8... all yours FO.

"Hey Boss I been meaning to ask you... do we have bad hydraulics on this thing, or is that your stomach rumbling?"

I shot him another glance...

My stomach answered for me however...

"No further questions, your honor" he chuckled...



Well I am not quite sure what happened, but I guess the rumbling stopped... my stomach feels fine now... and the lightheadedness is gone as well... good thing too, I just noticed I set the A/C in the cockpit to Alaska setting.

I almost hate to say it but I think Tiff's witches brew... or excuse me "mojo tea" did the trick. Guess I won't be needing to get that chicken soup afterall. Ahhh what the heck... it's doctor's orders anyway, so I suppose I will do it otherwise I will never hear the end of it from Doctor Patel.



Doesn't matter, I am just thankful there is NO SNOW!!! From here Charlotte looks like Spring is in full bloom, pun intended. Of course just my luck I have to fly back later today... can't stay and enjoy the 75 degree weather, even for a little bit.

It's not like I have much waiting back home for me. Sure Rosemarie is there... but Jess and Lolo are in Florida on a mother-daughter spring break spending spree. Even the dog has been avoiding me since I had the flu... though it has not stopped the cats from claiming all unused kleenexes as their own.

Stupid cats.



"So what's the plan boss?"

I hate when Barney interrupts my thinking...

Well looks like we wait till the 4:10PM flight is ready... in the meantime I guess we hang out and bug the CLT staff for a few hours. I might go get some paperwork done... after I get some soup. But you can go do whatever, just meet me back around 3:30 for boarding. I know the guy we are flying back with, Sean... he's a stickler for being on time. Aside from which, he just got promoted to VP of all East OPS... so I'd rather not be late.

"Sure thing boss."



Finally at Charlotte...

I have to admit I DO feel good!

After waiting till the passengers all debarked (I am NOT about to shake anyone's hands today), I gathered the crew and headed for the restaurant.

Thank God, they have chicken soup... Like a good patient, I ordered a helping.

Tiffany slides up to me and looks me in the eye.

"So how ya feeling Captain? Better, right?"

I chuckled... Yeah as a matter of fact, I do feel better, Thanks. I gotta admit that was the nastiest tasting thing I ever had, but yeah... you were right. I owe ya one.

The look on her face of sheer satisfaction was priceless.

Not long after lunch, we all decided to go our separate ways, to meet up later at gate B6 for our jumpseat back.

I was about halfway to the gate when, like a bullet train with no brakes....

UP it all came! Soup, tea, dayquil and all!





But Tiffany was right... after I puked... I DID feel MUCH better.