One Final Tale... a Christmas Tale...

This one is a special tale just for all of my friends past and present at USAVA... This was originally posted on our forums at http://www.usairwaysva.org
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Date- December 25, 2008




I don't know what happened... I woke up to find myself dressed in my flight uniform just outside Gate B44 at KPIT...

There was no one around. Literally not a creature a stirring... not even at the desk. Oddly enough the door to the jetway was open. Well that's not safe.

I decided to check it out. As I peered out the window to see what was parked there, my eyes held a disbelief... an Airbus A330-300!

This can't be right?!?! Dispatch made another error, I was sure of it.



As I got on board I looked around... No one in the cabin... Not a single passenger... no ground crew... nothing.

Not even housekeeping.

Ok this was getting slightly unusual.



Seats look comfy I noted...

But still, there has to be something up here.

Just as I thought it, I heard a noise from the cockpit.. a kind of thump, like someone putting down a flight bag.

I knew my next task... head to the cockpit.



I got into the cockpit... Yes there was a flight bag... but no one there.

What the hell?

I reached into the flight bag and pulled out a pilot log... no name...

What amazed me was that this pilot had apparently logged in over 9 billion flight hours! Literally every city in the world over the course of several years! There was even a certification from NORAD?!

I was met with an "Ahem."

I turned around to see behind me a burly man with a thick white beard, wagging his finger at me.

"Now Drew... You know it's not right to pry into others' belongings..."

I'm sorry... Who are you?

He busted out laughing... "Why I am your new First Officer! You may call me KK."

KK?

"Why yes... KK..." he continued... "Are you ready for your flight Drew?"

Flight, what flight?

"Oh dear, you did not get the dispatch orders did you?" He said as he handed me some papers... "You are to take this aircraft to Charlotte. I am going with you to checkride you!"

What? But where are the passengers?

"Oh you won't need passengers this time Drew. This is a SPECIAL checkride... Go ahead. Sit down... we have to be there in an hour... I am due elsewhere when I am done."



We started up, got our clearance from voices I have never heard, and made our way to runway 28C.

"Ok Drew, even though you are very familiar with the Airbus, this one is different. This Wilco augmented Airbus is a lot heavier, and will react differently to your control inputs. In short... this is no Steeler Air... " He busted out laughing again.

Ok boss... well you just tell me what to do.

"Oh I am not allowed to fly for you, I am just here to oversee. Besides... You already KNOW what to do"

Ok so what do I do then wiseguy?

"Well... I dunno about you, but I would try contacting the tower for takeoff clearance."

Crap. He was right... we were already at the end of the runway.

I called the tower.



Clearance granted, I glanced over at the old man stroking his beard.

I suppose now I takeoff huh?

"Only if you consider yourself a pilot." He laughed.

I pushed the throttles forward to TOGA setting and the big bird roared to life...

In moments we were down the runway and airborne!



I instinctively called for gear up.

No motion from the right seat... so I pulled them up myself, then pulled up our flaps.

Ok this dude is starting to piss me off.



You know... when I fly with First Officers usually I like them to do some of the work!

"Oh I am sorry... well what would you have me do?"

Nevermind now, just watch our altitude.

"Which one is that?"

WHAT? I thought you were an Airbus expert?

"Oh I never said that... I said I was here to give you a checkride."

Ok this dude is REALLY pissing me off now.



Fine, I thought, if I have to fly this sucker by myself, so be it... but he better have a good excuse for his lazy ass...

As if he heard my thoughts he looked to me.

"Drew... Believe me I would help you if I could, but to be honest with you, I have never been in this kind of flying vessel before."

Then why are you here?????

"I told you... I am here to checkride you."



I decided it was probably best not to argue... we were already airborne and obviously this dude was up to something.

I have made this route many many times... I figured I would play along.

If he wants to get to Charlotte, I am gonna take him to Charlotte.



The moon looked beautiful at least.

"Why yes it does" He added.

OK how are you doing that?

"Doing what?"

HOW ARE YOU ABLE to respond to what I am thinking?

"Ummm... Natural gift I figure... I have always had it."

I glared at him as he stroked his beard some more.

"Not everything in this world is capable of scientific explanation you know... You are doing fine."

I rolled my eyes.



As we changed ATC to Indianapolis center it dawned on me that the voices all seemed the same. As if this dude was somehow here in the cockpit with me, and also in the towers we were talking to. All the while the same laughter would echo after each ATC command.

It was starting to get annoying.

I could not worry about it now. We were at FL290 as instructed, and just about halfway to CLT... Hmm... right about now Tiffany would be serving us.

No sooner i thought it, an elderly woman walked in with a plate of.... MILK AND COOKIES? WHAT THE HELL??

"Here you are boys... some goodies for my hard working pilots!" She commented.

My "first officer" gladly took some cookies and a glass... I was a little reluctant.

"Oh don't worry dear, they are not poisoned... go ahead, have some." She added.

I grabbed a cookie and a glass... Hmm... pretty tasty. As I swallowed the last bite, she closed the cockpit door behind her.



So tell me... umm... KK... how long have you been working for US Airways Virtual?

I seem to have caught him off guard... the cookie crumbs in his beard dislodged onto the pedestal.

"Oh I do not work for US Airways Virtual Drew. You might say I am an independent contractor."

Independent contractor eh?

"Yes... My job is to assess people for their altruism and validity. I then take said assessments and come to a logical conclusion as to what merits they have earned..."

Whatever you say buddy.



I had to admit all this was highly unusual... I could not believe this...

Once again Mr Mind Reader volunteered his two cents.

"Are you saying you do not believe any of this? That Andrew Bolton, can actually fly an A330 from Pittsburgh to Charlotte? That Andrew Bolton does not deserve to experience the joys of being an executive captain? Is that what you are trying to tell me... Andrew Bolton?"

I did not know what to say.

"Listen. I have watched you all year since last December. You came on board with USAVA... You flew dilligently for KPIT, You raised its status from forgotten station to one of the top producers in Focus Cities. You did the right thing, and you were rewarded with a position of power in the VA. When all else was falling around you, you rose to the challenge. What's not to believe? You have it in you... Maybe YOU need to believe in YOURSELF!"

I was getting weary of talking... Besides, we were approaching CLT...



Ok Mr KK... I hear what you are saying. Yeah there are times I get a little overwhelmed. There ARE times I beat myself up because maybe people are not following orders, or things are not progressing as I would like. Hell the VA is still in the red. I do not want that on my record. I took this job to SAVE the VA from certain destruction...

But how am I supposed to know what is right ALL the time? Yeah I got great people... Mike Moro, Joe E, Steve, Dan, Ryan, Will, Peter, Mike Merali and a whole host of others... but am I not allowed to wonder if I am doing the right thing?

"Look... Drew... in all my MANY years flying I have learned one thing... TRUST your instincts... and your people."

I thought about it... I DO have an awesome team that busts their butt day in day out, and sometimes I do not give them all enough credit for what they do. They count on me to be the stable leader, to keep it all moving forward and upward... But I need to remember to count on THEM.

"Just remember Drew, you cannot have this job forever... Even Mr. Pope knew that. When your time comes to step out of the spotlight, the VA will be in great hands. Trust your instincts to find the right people and groom them for the top job. Hell, I WISH sometimes I could have a replacement, but honestly, no one wants MY job!" He laughed.



The voice that sounded like KK told us to come down to approach runway 36L in CLT... I did as told as my first officer checked some list he had pulled out of his flight bag... come to think of it... I think he checked it twice.

Well if anything this flight would soon be over.

I would get KK to his destination, accept whatever signoff he had for me, and be on my merry way.

"Well we are almost there... How do you like this A330?"

I had to admit... I liked it... a lot!

"Good, good." He replied as he began stroking his beard once more.

"You'd better get ready to land..."



I dropped flaps to setting two, banked us to our base leg, and dropped both speed and altitude as instructed by our ATC...

I could not see Charlotte for the clouds, but I trusted my instincts, and this huge hunk of metal and computers to get us there in one piece.

So, KK what are you gonna do when you get to Charlotte?

"Well, I have had a very long night... so I have a connecting flight north to catch. Don't worry Drew, I will make sure your paperwork is filled out, and you will never have to see me again."

I almost hated to think it, but as annoying as he was, there was a certain charm to him...

He busted out the biggest belly laugh I have ever heard.



Charlotte dead ahead...

"Well good to know those clouds have parted somewhat."

Yeah...

"By the way Drew... You do realize that there will be a lot more work to do come 2009, right?"

Yeah I kinda figured... but it is like you said, I have a good staff.

"The best is yet to come my friend... I promise you."



As I dropped our gear, a wave of comfort fell over me.

I belonged here...

I felt a peace I have not felt in ages...

There was no drama, no worry, no need for discipline, just..... peace.

It felt good. REAL GOOD.



I waited for the tower to give us clearance as we lined up on the localizer.

All the frequencies were the same... just the voices different.

The clouds seemed to have cleared up considerably... but as a pilot I know not to count on clouds...

"Oh I know... clouds are very temperamental." said the mind reader...

I took it in stride...



Landing lights and taxi lights on...

Flaps to full...

Seemed like second nature to me. I KNEW what to do... I guess I did not really need a First Officer... though it does help.

That reminded me...

Hey KK, since you seem to have some kinda juju, can you tell me if I will ever find the perfect first officer?

"When the captain is ready, the first officer will appear."

Ok... that was decidedly cryptic...



As we made our short final I let some of the speed drop... this heavier plane seems to have more powerful engines... I did not want a repeat of Jamaica yesterday...

At least I think it was yesterday... Hell I could not even figure out how I got back to Pittsburgh, unless either Lolo, Tiff, or Josh drugged me last night and sent me back on a plane there...

No time to dwell on wierdness now... A job needs to be done...

As we crossed the inner marker, I noted that the pilot of that Airbus at the end of 36L also had a thick white beard...

What the hell?



CHIRP....

"Not bad Drew... according to my records, that landing was at -86.2 feet per minute... I'd say you are ready for this aircraft."

Well thanks KK... Guess I better get you to the terminal eh?

"Oh yes... Time is short... they are going to call you to go to gate D8."

OK...

Sure as shooting, the tower got on the com, and told us to go to D8...

How does he do that???

He smiled a pearly white, shining smile, and proceeded to stroke his beard some more.



As we moved to the taxiway I could hear the Airbus behind us taking off...

Damn if it did not have the wierest sounding engines...

Did not sound like CFMs or even IAEs... sounded like jets allright... but with another sound mixed in...

SLEIGH BELLS???

My ears have got to be playing tricks on me.



We made our way around CLT, as I have done hundreds of times...

Mr. KK was writing something down, then put the paper in his flight bag.

"I want to tell you Drew, that was the most pleasant flight I have never had to actually fly."

I decided it was probably best not to chide him on being the first first officer that never did a damn thing...

Instead I said... Thank You!



We parked at D8... I powered us down and opened the doors.

"Care to accompany me, Drew?"

Why not...

As we got to the desk in the terminal, I was again met with the sight of no one around.

I was not about to question it this time.

KK turned to me and produced a paper from his flight bag.

"This is a certification. You are now officially certified to fly the Airbus A330-300 for US Airways Virtual Airline." he began... "Use it with care... remember to uphold your motto, to fly safely and fly often. Don't worry about the rest of it all... Everything will take care of itself."

I thanked him...

Say KK... I want to ask you... How do you get that beard past regulations anyway?

He stroked his beard...

"HO HO HO HO HO!!! My dear boy, I have been flying Longer than humanity itself! I think they owe me SOME concessions!"

I laughed out loud, the sound echoing through the empty airport.

I turned around to grab my flight bag, and as I turned back... he was gone.

I walked around aimlessly looking for him and in a few minutes I heard a boisterous call from outside...

"MEEEERRY CHRISTMAS DREW!!!"

And the sound of sleighbells jingling off into the distance...





Suddenly I awoke...

I was in Sandals, in Negril, Jamaica... and Tiffany had been shaking me to wake me up. In her hand were some papers.

"Drew... where did you get these? They say you are certified for the Wilco Airbus A330... and they are signed... Kris Kringle?"

I let out the loudest laugh I have ever had...

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I would like to thank you all for reading my tales... sadly this is officially the end. It is my hope that the proud pilots of USAVA will continue to tell our tales far into the future.


P.S.- Dunno if you counted, but there are 25 total pictures... coincidence, or not? Only Santa knows...